Things that happens after you turn thirty

Admitted, turning thirty wasn't as traumatic as I had expected it would be. I anticipated that I would wake up, poor my self a big glass of wine, and keep that glass continuously full all day. That still happened, but I also ended up having a great day (not just because of the wineflow). 

It became a day full of surprises. Friends drove all the way down here to visit me on the day, and those who couldn't make it, had made me a sweet video greeting. Turning thirty, became more of a confirmation that, what ever I did in life so far, hasn't been so bad. I actually did okay, although most of the time, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. 

But some things have happened in regard to becoming older. Uncomfortable things. Things, that no one warns you about, but that you just all of a sudden discover. Habits and bodily things, that changes. I have made a list of some of the most remarkable ones. 

1. You find hair in strange places. One day I was sitting down, wearing shorts, when i noticed a black hair on my thigh. As I wanted to sweep it off, I discovered that it was attached. To me. On my thigh. Since when do I have hair on the thigh, I thought and panically started inspecting my legs. Then I found a little colony of them, on the back of my leg. Not long ones and not really black. But they were there. 

2. You no longer look at teenagers with nostalgic jealousy, but more with a motherly concern. What are they thinking wearing those shorts that shows the lower part of their asses? Don't they know which signals they are sending? They could get in trouble! 

3. The confidence grows. Once you can say "I am a 30 year old woman" it tend to attach it self with a certain level of dignity and respect. I no longer take any crap from anyone. I am a grown woman, educated, with life experience, and I demand to be treated with the highest respect. I tell this to people, and then I go home and watch My Little Pony. 

4. You've found your style and you are sticking to it. I have tested out different styles from bad, to terrible and absolutely ridicules. Baggy pants, neon colors, plateau shoes, goth, short blue hair that didn’t really fit anything and made me wear a hat a lot. I still buy things that I think I can pull off (I recently bought a pair of denim shorts and it makes me look like a trying-to-be-hip mom) but generally I stick to what I know. 

5. Wearing heels are for special occasions that never happens. Like, when you can sit down all evening. And take a taxi to that place where you can to sit down. I need comfortable. Not that I don't still buy high heels. I love them. To look at, and wear at home for a little while. In my pajamas as I eat chocolate and watch "Four Weddings”.. 

6. Sometimes Saturday nights are just better spent at home with a book, or a movie and popcorn. Those hangovers starts taking a lot longer to get over. 

7. You discover that first white hair and get an existential crisis for over a week until you conclude that it was probably just a very, very blond hair. Yes it was. 

8. You conclude that old dogs can't learn new tricks, and decide that you may not be perfect but it’s too late to change now. 

9. You balance between the romantic dream of having a child and starting a family - and an overwhelming fear of ending up in just that situation. 

10. You have become too old to try to make a friendship happen with new types of people. Experience and stereotypes have created a barrier for which kind of people you bother spending your time with. I just can’t be bothered with people who are all into artsy things and recycling or has a tattoo that says “My Daddy Walks On Water”. 

11. New habits has joined the old ones. It is perfectly rational to bring disinfecting gel in the metro, refusing public baths, or having discussions with your self out loud about what to make for dinner.  

12. Most of the new music that are produced today, is just really unambitious and talentless. 

13. Have children always been so rude, and noisy? 

Stop, and smell the selfie stick

This does not have much to do with Italy. But I am going to tell it anyway.

A few days ago, I was standing at a this beautiful sight near Rome. It was an old volcano, now a big lake which- according to the rumors - has no button and is full of mysterious creatures. Indeed an intriguing place. The lake was surrounded by mountains, where green trees were blooming, birds chapping and the smell of fresh flowers and mountain air gave the feeling of new beginnings.
And there, by the edge of the lake, I saw a couple. Standing close together in a romantic moment - Holding a selfie stick.
I got captured by this couple, who walked around at the end of their selfie stick, who guided them to go here and there and back again. Smiling, making faces, kissing and looking happy for the selfie stick camera. They seemed completely oblivious to the beautiful surroundings they were in, but were instead focused on giving a great show to the camera and their social media audience. Their behavior in that moment seemed completely controlled by exterior forces. Did they even ever stop to enjoy the romantic moment that were actually happening between them. Or was it all just for show and likes? Who cares if you even like each other or enjoy each others company if it LOOKS good?

And - with the fear of sounding like an old fart, who hates new technology, I have to say this - Haven't we become strangers to our own world, when Social Media influence us to behave in this manor? Put the selfie stick down and smell the flowers, people! When did it become more important to live for other peoples "likes" than to actually live and experience the moment, that you will later put a filter on and expose with a couple of hash tags?

We are yet to find an appropriate balance between enjoying the moment and wanting to share that same moment in return of peoples approval. But more importantly, we need to find the balance of NOT dragging other people down with us, if we are one of those infected with the need to put a filter on everything. So if you find your self in the need of wanting to take a picture of your self and create a nice picture-moment for Facebook, please do not drag me into it. I am yet to find a polite way to say, "Get that camera out of my face" when people lean in and want to take a selfie with me in it. Looking ridiculous is not a stranger to me, but at least let me choose when it should be thrown in the face of the public. Because when you hold that camera up, I need to make face where I look like I am having fun with my friend, and not want to throw my beer and run away and I am forced to face if the public approve or not. How many likes are enough likes for us to look back at that moment with joy?

Even if you don't include me in the picture, when I ask you to not involve me in your staged behavior, please don't then hand the camera to me and ask me to take a picture of you, where you look kind of casual, kind of sexy, but not in the obvious way, but maybe kind of casually handsome so that the person you really want to see the picture will be intrigued.

Stop. Just stop it.

Live and never learn

I admit it. I agree to do a lot of things, without ever considering what it actually entails. So I went to Kenya without knowing how poor the area was, that I was going to live in. I agreed to act in a commercial where I had to fill my panties with red paint and stuff a teddy bear down there. I more than once accepted a job without really knowing what I had to do. And latest I moved to Italy without a plan, a job or an apartment.

But now I am here, tumbling through my life of coincidences and experiences trying to find out if everyone’s grass looks the same.

Yesterday I went to see the mountains. Sure I had noticed there were a couple of mountains around, but how would I know how far up in the sky they went or that you were supposed to bring a jacket?..

In Abruzzo there is a magnificent selection of nature experiences. You don’t have to drive far to get a fantastic view. Best places ever for romance and I am starting to understand the Italians soft hearts for romance. With a nature like this, who can resist? Within one hour you can go from making snow angels in the mountains to taking a swim at the beach. So I decided to do just that.

You have to drive a bit, to get up to the mountains outside of Pescara. Around 45 minutes by car. Up where I went in Grand Sasso there is a skiing resort with planned routes in the mountain. If you have shoes with spikes and an axe you can take the cool route and climb to the top. But of course I didn’t have those things. So we went the boring safe way to the top.

It didn’t take more than half an hour to reach a view that made it difficult to focus on where I was walking. The sky was licking up the mountainside, and I wanted to reach out and touch it. As far as I could see, there were mountains and allies of snow. I wanted to imprint the view, so I did as any dumb tourist would do, and tried to take a picture that in no way can capture the reality.

No matter where I lived, I have always had a spot where I could go and look really far. In this spot I would do my thinking, whenever I felt that I had reached a bump in my life, or I needed to make a hard decision. Now I have to travel really far, to visit my new spot.

The climb itself wasn’t difficult and only I few times I actually felt nervous because I had to climb on lose rocks. But generally there was a high level of safety and as I saw a couple with an infant on the bag I stopped looking frightened and put on my brave face.

Once we reached the top, I was blown away by the magnificent beauty. The alley we walked in stretched as far as the eye could see, and it was in this moment that my guide decided to tell me that only a week earlier a man felt down and died just there. I lost my brave face, but I still managed to take a nice picture.

The oxygen level gets lower and the air is "thinner" when you reach this altitude and I was feeling like a brave climber, when I learned that in the final meters of Mount Everest each step can take up to 10 minutes, because you lose your breath. 

This was my Mount Everest and I decided to take a 10 minutes break to catch my breath and imprint the view. And it was here that I sort of came to terms with the fact that I may live my life through these irrational impulsive journeys, but I would never be without the experiences it gives me. And I am looking forward for what stupid situation I will get involved in next. 

Thank you to everyone who has followed my italian adventures here on my blog. I will continue my writings at another blog, dedicated to the next chapture of my life.

Ciao :)

My first fraud experience

So I have had my very first scam-experience.

In my search for a new place to live, I have learned one important lesson. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I found this amazing apartment in a very nice location in Pescara, with all inclusive (even internet and TV) for a very low price. So of course I applied for it and then began a strange conversation with what I thought was just a very friendly grandmother.

Here is what happened:



----Messaggio originale----
Da: messaggi@subito.it
Data: 21-giu-2014 16.02
A: <gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
Ogg: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara



Ciao,
Siamo una coppia interessata a vedere l'appartamento e, nel caso, a
trasferirci da subito. E' ancora disponibile?


Saluti


Sofie


Date: Fri, 27 Jun 2014 18:29:25 +0200
From: gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it
To: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Subject: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara


Ciao,

    First of all i'm sorry to write you in english but i don't speak Italian( and greck i think you don't understand). I just read your e-mail regarding my apartment located in via Rigopiano, Pescara
 I bought this apartment for my daughter during her studies in Italy, but now she's back home (Koropi/Greece) permanently, so I'm renting the place for unlimited time. Before we go any further I would like to know a little something about you, like how many persons you intend to live in the apartment, and for how long. The flat is exactly like in the pictures, fully furnished and renovated. Also,very important, the utilities (cold/hot water, electricity, wireless broadband internet, digital TV, 1 parking spots, dishwasher, garbage disposal, microwave,refrigerator, washing machine, etc.) are INCLUDED in the price of 400EUR/month. The Fianza is also 400 EUR, and you get it back, when you decide to leave the apartment (you will have to give me at least 30 days notice). As for me, you can rest assured that I will never ask you to leave the apartment. My daughter is building her life here, and i am too old to move to Italy, so we
won't disturb you.You will have access to a very large and well ventilated cellar, where you can store the furniture.

  My name is Gabrielle Lamble and I'm a 58 years old graphic designer from Koropi, Greece, planning to retire in the next 2 years.I have a lovely husband, Karaan and a 25 year old daughter,Herna. I am very proud to say that soon I'm going to be a grandmother :). Another member of our family is a 4 year old Labrador which we all love, so, I have no problem if you will keep pets.
The only inconvenience is that my job doesn't allow me to leave Greece even for one single day. We just hired some new staff and I'm in charge of their training.
But this won't affect you at all. I can make arrangements to rent the apartment from  Greece (on my expense of course).
Looking forward to hear from you soon.I will put the the add down because i
have many emails
All the best from , Greece!



----Messaggio originale----
Da: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Data: 27-giu-2014 19.10
A: "gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it"<gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
Ogg: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara


Hi Gabrielle,

Thank you for your reply - and I have to say, what a relief that you are writing in english. I am danish, and my Italian is quite limited anyway, so thank you for that!

I am a journalist, 28 years old and I moved here to Pescara only 4 month ago to explore the city and the Italian lifestyle.
I make a living here, by writing for a Danish white goods company, and sometimes I am lucky to sell an article to a Newspaper. Latest I sold an article with some translations on the Italian gestures, that made it to a nationwide newpaper :)

Besides this, I am collaborating with some italian journalists on making a tourist site and an infomercial about the abruzzo area. In Denmark I produced a TV-show about men and their beard (great topic, right) and I enjoy playing around and make TV.

In what is left of my time, I enjoy going for a run, draw portraits or hang out with friends..

Now that you removed the ad from the site, I can´t view it anymore. But the price is very fair (I went to see an apartment yesterday that said 350 Euros, but with all included it ended up in almost 600 euros!) and the location is perfect, so I am very interested to know how when it will be available from.

Looking forward to hear from you - and a big congratulations on your new title as a grandmother! :)

Sincerely

Sofie


Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 11:43:16 +0200
From: gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it
To: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Subject: R: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara

Hello,
Thank you for your reply but the matter is that I'm in Koropi, Greece already. Like I have inform you before, the price you shall pay for one month of rent will be 400 EUR + 400 security deposit ( Fianza ) = (800 euro), with no extra taxes to pay.I must have one month rent + security deposit from you.You pay this money just for this time and every month you pay just 400 euro . The money, I want to receive it monthly to my bank account, so I hope it will be no problem for you to wire the money to my bank account. The apartment is ready for you, you will need only to receive the keys and the contract to check it, and see if you like it. Obviously we need a way to complete this deal, that will allow us to make sure we receive what we are after. In order of that I have found a way for us to complete the deal safely and fast, and in this way you will receive the Keys in less than 2 days, if you move fast as well. The solution is provided by a company called Genesis Logistics which is similar to FedEx or UPS, which will handle both payment and delivery of the Keys. I have found a procedure that will allow you to pay for the rent of the apt only after you will receive the keys of it and through this way you will see it and decide if you will stay in the apt or not before I receive my payment. Please click on the link bellow to the Genesis Logistics website to see how we can complete the deal safely and fast directly from the website of the company where the procedure is explained: www.genesiscyprus.com
Let me know if you are interested please because I really need to take care of this matter.



Hi Gabrielle

It seems like a good solution you have come up with.

However, you told me that your daughter used to do her studies here in Pescara. She must know somebody she trusts, that can show me the apartment?

I can´t "risk" 800 euros on an apartment I havent even seen yet, for some keys I don´t know if are working - you understand? :)

Or maybe you can link me to where specific on the site, Genesis Logistic explain about this service? I can´t find anything like that on the site


----- Reply message -----
From: "gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it" <gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
To: <wille_sofie@hotmail.com>
Subject: R: RE: R: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara
Date: Sun, Jun 29, 2014 15:27

Hi,
I will need to inform you the steps about how this service works and how we can make it happen. I will go with the keys, contract for rent, your name and address to the Genesis Logistics i will pay for delivery after this Genesis Logistics will send you a invoice for you to deposit 800 euro to agent from Greece.
After you make the deposit in 2.3 days a agent from Greece  will come to your address and together will go and visit the apartment. If you don't like it,you only have to tell to agent and he will refund the money to you and they will deliver the keys back to me on my expense and if you like you sign the contract and you can move

 I will pay for  delivery so you will receive the Keys and the contract signed by me right away.
1 - To start this transaction i will need to know your full shipping information, full name, full shipping address and phone number to proceed with this deal .
2 - Genesis Logistics will check the envelope to see if everything is OK with it and also the legal papers that will come along with the Keys.
3 -  Genesis Logistics will send you a delivery notification to let you know they have the Keys and the papers in their custody, in which you will be told that they have the Keys and that they checked it.
4 - At this point you will have to go to a Western Union Agent Location and make a money transfer deposit on the  name of agent from Greece assigned with this transaction for the amount we agreed, the total amount you shall deposit is for the first month of rent.
5 - After you make the deposit you will have to send the infos about the money deposit to Genesis Logistics
6 -  Genesis Logistics  will verify the payment informations and if everything is in order they will deliver the Keys and the contract to you .

 You will go and check the apt and  tell them if you keep the apt or not, if everything is in order you will instruct  Genesis Logistics to release the funds to me.
If you don't like the apt the agent will give you ,your money back ,I will pay  Genesis Logistics Service for the shipping and you will pay Wester Union for the Money Transfer fees. Now i must know for sure if you agree because here are a lot of peoples interested to have this apartment rented and i want to know for sure what i must tell them. If you agree what i suggested i will tell them that my apartment is already rented and i will keep it for you. If you agree then i must have all the shipping details so i will be able to make all the arrangements for the  Genesis Logistics delivery.
very Important: Western Union  is just a method of payment , they are not authorized to give you any information about this transaction for your security.You just have to do a normal money transfer to a person ( Genesis Logistics agent).Only  Genesis Logistics has access to this transaction for more security.
Thank you for your interest and wait news from you.




No thanks, I don't want to transfer any money until I have seen an apartment

/Sofie

Sent from my HTC

How to evolve into a diva

In the last many articles I have been waving with my confusion about Italians (oh you great mysteries) and wondered how I can become more Italian. But over the last month time, there are a few things that have become clearer to me. Things I initially didn’t understand or could relate to. But just last evening I was late for an appointment, and I was complaining about it to everyone. In Italian.

Step by step, this culture has begun to shape me.  

I used to find it the hardest to relate to the women here. As a Dane from a land of independent, equal minded, beer drinking, career seeking women, all I saw when I moved to this country, was women with red lip stick, high heels and a diva attitude that made me feel like a butch and brutal man.

But today I have implemented all of the things on my list on how to become more Italian, and I have become a full blown Italian Donna!

I understand now, that the women here are not at all little fragile princesses, who doesn’t know how to do anything themselves. These women has taken the female advantages and spun gold out of it. They are just as strong and independent, but they have got an attitude that makes men jump off their chairs and do anything to make them happy. In Denmark the men won’t even hold the door for a woman. So, admittedly, it didn’t take me long to get used to this new way.

Here is how things usually works for me:

A Danish woman packs and calculate the weight of the groceries or luggage to an amount that she can carry. She knows, that these things need to be moved from A to B and she knows, that she is will be the one moving it. She is an independent woman. She can carry her own stuff.

When a man picks up a woman at her door, she will be dressed and ready to go at the agreed time. She will not be still looking for the right outfit, lipstick, shoes or talking on the phone with her girlfriends.  

If a Danish woman has to go somewhere, she knows that there are different solutions to get there, such as public transportation, a bike, or a taxi. She will manage to both depart and arrive all on her own.

If a Danish woman has to enter a door, she is in most cases capable of locating and operating the door knob. She is independent. She is managing on her own.

If a Danish woman is finding herself thirsty or hungry, she will navigate to a café, order and pay herself, without further supervision.

But..

When all of these things are turned upside down, it is almost impossible not to take one step closer to life as a diva. I no longer have to carry my own heavy shit. People will wait for me, even if I am late, and hold the door for me and pick me up in a car whenever I have to go somewhere. They will be worried if I got something to eat and make sure that I am generally pleased. And so, step by step, I have started to get used to these little things, and before I knew it I had started to expect them to happen... 

I like equality, but I am enjoying that there is a difference between men and women. At what point in a Danish man’s life does he ever feel that the woman actually needs him?

Things I need to do, to become more Italian

Today I speak Italian. Kind of. And I also act more Italian. At least I drink wine, eat pasta and wave with the hands. Those are all great focus points (some of them I focus on more than others) in order to achieve a successful integration, but if I want to live in this country I need to feel Italian.

In order to do so, I have lined up the things I need to change, or overcome, in order to become more Italian. Turns out, there is a lot!

1. I need to be late.
I am still way too Danish, when I assume that 12.30 actually means 12.30. It means 12.45. Or maybe 13 or never.
As a Dane I am obsessed with time. I am used to everything being timed and planned according to a schedule. And so, I get very confused when things do not happen at the agreed time. Maybe the world is collapsing?

2. I need to stop making little sandwiches out of the bread and cheese.
The Italian lunch is a festival of bread, cheeses, ham, salads and olives. The way to eat, is a little of this, a little of that and with bread on the side. But I sit there and put things in the shape that I am used to by making little sandwiches, with the salad on the side.

3. I need to start complaining about the country and advice everybody to leave immediately; meanwhile I feel deep inside that I myself could never leave.
The thing, that truly define the Italians is how they can all agree that this country is rotting up, the politicians are blood sucking fonies and everything is just one big mess. But then on the other hand, nobody could ever dream of leaving the country. At least not permanently.

4. I need to learn how to be calm, and believe, that the things that truly need to be done will be done.
When I work I find it particularly a challenge to remain calm. The phone rings without stop, people drop by, my neighbor plays piano, the dog barks every five minute for no reason, and outside people honk the horn for ten minutes at a time. It is impossible for me to focus and very, very hard to remain calm and not hysterical.

5. I need to strap on a pair and get behind the wheels and drive here. Regardless of my fear of death.

6. One of the things I have found the hardest to relate to, are the behavior of the women here. I come from a land of independent, equal minded, beer drinking, career seeking women, and I have moved to this country of women with red lip stick, high heels, diva attitude that makes me feel like a man trying to fit in as a woman. So I need to start wearing wear red lipstick and a dress and own it. 

7. And on that note, I also need to take it as a compliment not as an insult to my biceps, when men want to carry my stuff for me.

8. I need to speak up! At the language school I am exposed to the south european way of being in a class. I sit there waving my hand like an idiot while everyone else just speaks up. At the same time. It drives me crazy and I get so angry when people constantly interrupt. Why can’t we speak in turns? Because we are in Italy Sofie, so start blabbering out your every thought and contribute to the sound pollution.

9. I need to think as a group.
Italians do things together as a group. I tend to do things on my own. This often may seem like I don’t value others opinion, but really I am just used to fixing things without a second or third opinion. So I need to embrace the social aspects more, instead of losing my temper of waiting for everyone to agree.

10. Last of all I need to cut the act. I will never be Italian. The closest I can get is having a feeling of home in Italy, but nobody can fake their way to being as calm, loving, social and caring as the Italians I have met manage to be, every day. To me that is as real as it gets.

Let me be the loser

To me, success is not the same as reaching your goals. Success is the drive, the energy, that carries you to reach the goals that you have set for yourself. But once you get there, you will often have a new aim. And that is how life should be. A long line of unreachable goals to keep us going. For this reason my worst fear (second after spiders) is to reach all of my goals and be unable to set new ones.

It has always been an obstacle for me to be happy in the place that I am. I almost always want to be somewhere else. (No offense to anyone who has ever been my company) My point is that, most of my life I have had an aim in mind, but once I got there, I would have a new one.

Ever since I was a girl I thought I wanted to be a successful journalist. I wanted to travel the world and report back the news to my country. It was the mare on my back to achieve a number of great things but the closer I got to this particular goal, the more I developed different dreams. I was chasing my own shadow.

But for the first time, I feel now that I am closer than ever to catch the shadow.  And never have I wanted more to not reach that goal. Because once I reach it, I will lose the drive, that has given me great travel adventures, great feeling of achievements and great friendships. I feel the drive in that thrill I get when I know what I want, but I cannot reach it.

After yet another month in this fantastic country, that on the one hand is pure paradise and on the other hand is suffocating everyone that lives here, I find myself in search for a new goal.

I am now working, earning money. Somewhat speaking the language (it is still up for debate). I have made friends that make me feel at home. I am not saying that I have completely fulfilled my life here, but I have reached my goal of successfully leaving Denmark. I have set the spears for my life here.

But..

In today’s world we almost have no limits for self-realization. We are not bound to family, to culture or to anything else. We are purely our own, and the key to success lies only in our own hands. You might not have been born with the best cards on your hand, but how you play those cards in life, is purely your game. The good thing about this, is that we have the opportunity to search for, and find, our own happiness. The bad thing is, that we might not be able to see it, once we find it. If my happiness lies in being Italian. is yet to be discovered. 

In order to find out, there are still things I need to change, in order to become more Italian. What those are, I will reveal next week.