Let me be the loser

To me, success is not the same as reaching your goals. Success is the drive, the energy, that carries you to reach the goals that you have set for yourself. But once you get there, you will often have a new aim. And that is how life should be. A long line of unreachable goals to keep us going. For this reason my worst fear (second after spiders) is to reach all of my goals and be unable to set new ones.

It has always been an obstacle for me to be happy in the place that I am. I almost always want to be somewhere else. (No offense to anyone who has ever been my company) My point is that, most of my life I have had an aim in mind, but once I got there, I would have a new one.

Ever since I was a girl I thought I wanted to be a successful journalist. I wanted to travel the world and report back the news to my country. It was the mare on my back to achieve a number of great things but the closer I got to this particular goal, the more I developed different dreams. I was chasing my own shadow.

But for the first time, I feel now that I am closer than ever to catch the shadow.  And never have I wanted more to not reach that goal. Because once I reach it, I will lose the drive, that has given me great travel adventures, great feeling of achievements and great friendships. I feel the drive in that thrill I get when I know what I want, but I cannot reach it.

After yet another month in this fantastic country, that on the one hand is pure paradise and on the other hand is suffocating everyone that lives here, I find myself in search for a new goal.

I am now working, earning money. Somewhat speaking the language (it is still up for debate). I have made friends that make me feel at home. I am not saying that I have completely fulfilled my life here, but I have reached my goal of successfully leaving Denmark. I have set the spears for my life here.

But..

In today’s world we almost have no limits for self-realization. We are not bound to family, to culture or to anything else. We are purely our own, and the key to success lies only in our own hands. You might not have been born with the best cards on your hand, but how you play those cards in life, is purely your game. The good thing about this, is that we have the opportunity to search for, and find, our own happiness. The bad thing is, that we might not be able to see it, once we find it. If my happiness lies in being Italian. is yet to be discovered. 

In order to find out, there are still things I need to change, in order to become more Italian. What those are, I will reveal next week.