Things I need to do, to become more Italian

Today I speak Italian. Kind of. And I also act more Italian. At least I drink wine, eat pasta and wave with the hands. Those are all great focus points (some of them I focus on more than others) in order to achieve a successful integration, but if I want to live in this country I need to feel Italian.

In order to do so, I have lined up the things I need to change, or overcome, in order to become more Italian. Turns out, there is a lot!

1. I need to be late.
I am still way too Danish, when I assume that 12.30 actually means 12.30. It means 12.45. Or maybe 13 or never.
As a Dane I am obsessed with time. I am used to everything being timed and planned according to a schedule. And so, I get very confused when things do not happen at the agreed time. Maybe the world is collapsing?

2. I need to stop making little sandwiches out of the bread and cheese.
The Italian lunch is a festival of bread, cheeses, ham, salads and olives. The way to eat, is a little of this, a little of that and with bread on the side. But I sit there and put things in the shape that I am used to by making little sandwiches, with the salad on the side.

3. I need to start complaining about the country and advice everybody to leave immediately; meanwhile I feel deep inside that I myself could never leave.
The thing, that truly define the Italians is how they can all agree that this country is rotting up, the politicians are blood sucking fonies and everything is just one big mess. But then on the other hand, nobody could ever dream of leaving the country. At least not permanently.

4. I need to learn how to be calm, and believe, that the things that truly need to be done will be done.
When I work I find it particularly a challenge to remain calm. The phone rings without stop, people drop by, my neighbor plays piano, the dog barks every five minute for no reason, and outside people honk the horn for ten minutes at a time. It is impossible for me to focus and very, very hard to remain calm and not hysterical.

5. I need to strap on a pair and get behind the wheels and drive here. Regardless of my fear of death.

6. One of the things I have found the hardest to relate to, are the behavior of the women here. I come from a land of independent, equal minded, beer drinking, career seeking women, and I have moved to this country of women with red lip stick, high heels, diva attitude that makes me feel like a man trying to fit in as a woman. So I need to start wearing wear red lipstick and a dress and own it. 

7. And on that note, I also need to take it as a compliment not as an insult to my biceps, when men want to carry my stuff for me.

8. I need to speak up! At the language school I am exposed to the south european way of being in a class. I sit there waving my hand like an idiot while everyone else just speaks up. At the same time. It drives me crazy and I get so angry when people constantly interrupt. Why can’t we speak in turns? Because we are in Italy Sofie, so start blabbering out your every thought and contribute to the sound pollution.

9. I need to think as a group.
Italians do things together as a group. I tend to do things on my own. This often may seem like I don’t value others opinion, but really I am just used to fixing things without a second or third opinion. So I need to embrace the social aspects more, instead of losing my temper of waiting for everyone to agree.

10. Last of all I need to cut the act. I will never be Italian. The closest I can get is having a feeling of home in Italy, but nobody can fake their way to being as calm, loving, social and caring as the Italians I have met manage to be, every day. To me that is as real as it gets.