Live and never learn

I admit it. I agree to do a lot of things, without ever considering what it actually entails. So I went to Kenya without knowing how poor the area was, that I was going to live in. I agreed to act in a commercial where I had to fill my panties with red paint and stuff a teddy bear down there. I more than once accepted a job without really knowing what I had to do. And latest I moved to Italy without a plan, a job or an apartment.

But now I am here, tumbling through my life of coincidences and experiences trying to find out if everyone’s grass looks the same.

Yesterday I went to see the mountains. Sure I had noticed there were a couple of mountains around, but how would I know how far up in the sky they went or that you were supposed to bring a jacket?..

In Abruzzo there is a magnificent selection of nature experiences. You don’t have to drive far to get a fantastic view. Best places ever for romance and I am starting to understand the Italians soft hearts for romance. With a nature like this, who can resist? Within one hour you can go from making snow angels in the mountains to taking a swim at the beach. So I decided to do just that.

You have to drive a bit, to get up to the mountains outside of Pescara. Around 45 minutes by car. Up where I went in Grand Sasso there is a skiing resort with planned routes in the mountain. If you have shoes with spikes and an axe you can take the cool route and climb to the top. But of course I didn’t have those things. So we went the boring safe way to the top.

It didn’t take more than half an hour to reach a view that made it difficult to focus on where I was walking. The sky was licking up the mountainside, and I wanted to reach out and touch it. As far as I could see, there were mountains and allies of snow. I wanted to imprint the view, so I did as any dumb tourist would do, and tried to take a picture that in no way can capture the reality.

No matter where I lived, I have always had a spot where I could go and look really far. In this spot I would do my thinking, whenever I felt that I had reached a bump in my life, or I needed to make a hard decision. Now I have to travel really far, to visit my new spot.

The climb itself wasn’t difficult and only I few times I actually felt nervous because I had to climb on lose rocks. But generally there was a high level of safety and as I saw a couple with an infant on the bag I stopped looking frightened and put on my brave face.

Once we reached the top, I was blown away by the magnificent beauty. The alley we walked in stretched as far as the eye could see, and it was in this moment that my guide decided to tell me that only a week earlier a man felt down and died just there. I lost my brave face, but I still managed to take a nice picture.

The oxygen level gets lower and the air is "thinner" when you reach this altitude and I was feeling like a brave climber, when I learned that in the final meters of Mount Everest each step can take up to 10 minutes, because you lose your breath. 

This was my Mount Everest and I decided to take a 10 minutes break to catch my breath and imprint the view. And it was here that I sort of came to terms with the fact that I may live my life through these irrational impulsive journeys, but I would never be without the experiences it gives me. And I am looking forward for what stupid situation I will get involved in next. 

Thank you to everyone who has followed my italian adventures here on my blog. I will continue my writings at another blog, dedicated to the next chapture of my life.

Ciao :)

My first fraud experience

So I have had my very first scam-experience.

In my search for a new place to live, I have learned one important lesson. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I found this amazing apartment in a very nice location in Pescara, with all inclusive (even internet and TV) for a very low price. So of course I applied for it and then began a strange conversation with what I thought was just a very friendly grandmother.

Here is what happened:



----Messaggio originale----
Da: messaggi@subito.it
Data: 21-giu-2014 16.02
A: <gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
Ogg: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara



Ciao,
Siamo una coppia interessata a vedere l'appartamento e, nel caso, a
trasferirci da subito. E' ancora disponibile?


Saluti


Sofie


Date: Fri, 27 Jun 2014 18:29:25 +0200
From: gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it
To: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Subject: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara


Ciao,

    First of all i'm sorry to write you in english but i don't speak Italian( and greck i think you don't understand). I just read your e-mail regarding my apartment located in via Rigopiano, Pescara
 I bought this apartment for my daughter during her studies in Italy, but now she's back home (Koropi/Greece) permanently, so I'm renting the place for unlimited time. Before we go any further I would like to know a little something about you, like how many persons you intend to live in the apartment, and for how long. The flat is exactly like in the pictures, fully furnished and renovated. Also,very important, the utilities (cold/hot water, electricity, wireless broadband internet, digital TV, 1 parking spots, dishwasher, garbage disposal, microwave,refrigerator, washing machine, etc.) are INCLUDED in the price of 400EUR/month. The Fianza is also 400 EUR, and you get it back, when you decide to leave the apartment (you will have to give me at least 30 days notice). As for me, you can rest assured that I will never ask you to leave the apartment. My daughter is building her life here, and i am too old to move to Italy, so we
won't disturb you.You will have access to a very large and well ventilated cellar, where you can store the furniture.

  My name is Gabrielle Lamble and I'm a 58 years old graphic designer from Koropi, Greece, planning to retire in the next 2 years.I have a lovely husband, Karaan and a 25 year old daughter,Herna. I am very proud to say that soon I'm going to be a grandmother :). Another member of our family is a 4 year old Labrador which we all love, so, I have no problem if you will keep pets.
The only inconvenience is that my job doesn't allow me to leave Greece even for one single day. We just hired some new staff and I'm in charge of their training.
But this won't affect you at all. I can make arrangements to rent the apartment from  Greece (on my expense of course).
Looking forward to hear from you soon.I will put the the add down because i
have many emails
All the best from , Greece!



----Messaggio originale----
Da: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Data: 27-giu-2014 19.10
A: "gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it"<gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
Ogg: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara


Hi Gabrielle,

Thank you for your reply - and I have to say, what a relief that you are writing in english. I am danish, and my Italian is quite limited anyway, so thank you for that!

I am a journalist, 28 years old and I moved here to Pescara only 4 month ago to explore the city and the Italian lifestyle.
I make a living here, by writing for a Danish white goods company, and sometimes I am lucky to sell an article to a Newspaper. Latest I sold an article with some translations on the Italian gestures, that made it to a nationwide newpaper :)

Besides this, I am collaborating with some italian journalists on making a tourist site and an infomercial about the abruzzo area. In Denmark I produced a TV-show about men and their beard (great topic, right) and I enjoy playing around and make TV.

In what is left of my time, I enjoy going for a run, draw portraits or hang out with friends..

Now that you removed the ad from the site, I can´t view it anymore. But the price is very fair (I went to see an apartment yesterday that said 350 Euros, but with all included it ended up in almost 600 euros!) and the location is perfect, so I am very interested to know how when it will be available from.

Looking forward to hear from you - and a big congratulations on your new title as a grandmother! :)

Sincerely

Sofie


Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 11:43:16 +0200
From: gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it
To: wille_sofie@hotmail.com
Subject: R: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara

Hello,
Thank you for your reply but the matter is that I'm in Koropi, Greece already. Like I have inform you before, the price you shall pay for one month of rent will be 400 EUR + 400 security deposit ( Fianza ) = (800 euro), with no extra taxes to pay.I must have one month rent + security deposit from you.You pay this money just for this time and every month you pay just 400 euro . The money, I want to receive it monthly to my bank account, so I hope it will be no problem for you to wire the money to my bank account. The apartment is ready for you, you will need only to receive the keys and the contract to check it, and see if you like it. Obviously we need a way to complete this deal, that will allow us to make sure we receive what we are after. In order of that I have found a way for us to complete the deal safely and fast, and in this way you will receive the Keys in less than 2 days, if you move fast as well. The solution is provided by a company called Genesis Logistics which is similar to FedEx or UPS, which will handle both payment and delivery of the Keys. I have found a procedure that will allow you to pay for the rent of the apt only after you will receive the keys of it and through this way you will see it and decide if you will stay in the apt or not before I receive my payment. Please click on the link bellow to the Genesis Logistics website to see how we can complete the deal safely and fast directly from the website of the company where the procedure is explained: www.genesiscyprus.com
Let me know if you are interested please because I really need to take care of this matter.



Hi Gabrielle

It seems like a good solution you have come up with.

However, you told me that your daughter used to do her studies here in Pescara. She must know somebody she trusts, that can show me the apartment?

I can´t "risk" 800 euros on an apartment I havent even seen yet, for some keys I don´t know if are working - you understand? :)

Or maybe you can link me to where specific on the site, Genesis Logistic explain about this service? I can´t find anything like that on the site


----- Reply message -----
From: "gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it" <gabrielle.lamble@virgilio.it>
To: <wille_sofie@hotmail.com>
Subject: R: RE: R: RE: R: Subito.it - Risposta a: Trilocale via Rigopiano, Pescara
Date: Sun, Jun 29, 2014 15:27

Hi,
I will need to inform you the steps about how this service works and how we can make it happen. I will go with the keys, contract for rent, your name and address to the Genesis Logistics i will pay for delivery after this Genesis Logistics will send you a invoice for you to deposit 800 euro to agent from Greece.
After you make the deposit in 2.3 days a agent from Greece  will come to your address and together will go and visit the apartment. If you don't like it,you only have to tell to agent and he will refund the money to you and they will deliver the keys back to me on my expense and if you like you sign the contract and you can move

 I will pay for  delivery so you will receive the Keys and the contract signed by me right away.
1 - To start this transaction i will need to know your full shipping information, full name, full shipping address and phone number to proceed with this deal .
2 - Genesis Logistics will check the envelope to see if everything is OK with it and also the legal papers that will come along with the Keys.
3 -  Genesis Logistics will send you a delivery notification to let you know they have the Keys and the papers in their custody, in which you will be told that they have the Keys and that they checked it.
4 - At this point you will have to go to a Western Union Agent Location and make a money transfer deposit on the  name of agent from Greece assigned with this transaction for the amount we agreed, the total amount you shall deposit is for the first month of rent.
5 - After you make the deposit you will have to send the infos about the money deposit to Genesis Logistics
6 -  Genesis Logistics  will verify the payment informations and if everything is in order they will deliver the Keys and the contract to you .

 You will go and check the apt and  tell them if you keep the apt or not, if everything is in order you will instruct  Genesis Logistics to release the funds to me.
If you don't like the apt the agent will give you ,your money back ,I will pay  Genesis Logistics Service for the shipping and you will pay Wester Union for the Money Transfer fees. Now i must know for sure if you agree because here are a lot of peoples interested to have this apartment rented and i want to know for sure what i must tell them. If you agree what i suggested i will tell them that my apartment is already rented and i will keep it for you. If you agree then i must have all the shipping details so i will be able to make all the arrangements for the  Genesis Logistics delivery.
very Important: Western Union  is just a method of payment , they are not authorized to give you any information about this transaction for your security.You just have to do a normal money transfer to a person ( Genesis Logistics agent).Only  Genesis Logistics has access to this transaction for more security.
Thank you for your interest and wait news from you.




No thanks, I don't want to transfer any money until I have seen an apartment

/Sofie

Sent from my HTC

How to evolve into a diva

In the last many articles I have been waving with my confusion about Italians (oh you great mysteries) and wondered how I can become more Italian. But over the last month time, there are a few things that have become clearer to me. Things I initially didn’t understand or could relate to. But just last evening I was late for an appointment, and I was complaining about it to everyone. In Italian.

Step by step, this culture has begun to shape me.  

I used to find it the hardest to relate to the women here. As a Dane from a land of independent, equal minded, beer drinking, career seeking women, all I saw when I moved to this country, was women with red lip stick, high heels and a diva attitude that made me feel like a butch and brutal man.

But today I have implemented all of the things on my list on how to become more Italian, and I have become a full blown Italian Donna!

I understand now, that the women here are not at all little fragile princesses, who doesn’t know how to do anything themselves. These women has taken the female advantages and spun gold out of it. They are just as strong and independent, but they have got an attitude that makes men jump off their chairs and do anything to make them happy. In Denmark the men won’t even hold the door for a woman. So, admittedly, it didn’t take me long to get used to this new way.

Here is how things usually works for me:

A Danish woman packs and calculate the weight of the groceries or luggage to an amount that she can carry. She knows, that these things need to be moved from A to B and she knows, that she is will be the one moving it. She is an independent woman. She can carry her own stuff.

When a man picks up a woman at her door, she will be dressed and ready to go at the agreed time. She will not be still looking for the right outfit, lipstick, shoes or talking on the phone with her girlfriends.  

If a Danish woman has to go somewhere, she knows that there are different solutions to get there, such as public transportation, a bike, or a taxi. She will manage to both depart and arrive all on her own.

If a Danish woman has to enter a door, she is in most cases capable of locating and operating the door knob. She is independent. She is managing on her own.

If a Danish woman is finding herself thirsty or hungry, she will navigate to a café, order and pay herself, without further supervision.

But..

When all of these things are turned upside down, it is almost impossible not to take one step closer to life as a diva. I no longer have to carry my own heavy shit. People will wait for me, even if I am late, and hold the door for me and pick me up in a car whenever I have to go somewhere. They will be worried if I got something to eat and make sure that I am generally pleased. And so, step by step, I have started to get used to these little things, and before I knew it I had started to expect them to happen... 

I like equality, but I am enjoying that there is a difference between men and women. At what point in a Danish man’s life does he ever feel that the woman actually needs him?

Things I need to do, to become more Italian

Today I speak Italian. Kind of. And I also act more Italian. At least I drink wine, eat pasta and wave with the hands. Those are all great focus points (some of them I focus on more than others) in order to achieve a successful integration, but if I want to live in this country I need to feel Italian.

In order to do so, I have lined up the things I need to change, or overcome, in order to become more Italian. Turns out, there is a lot!

1. I need to be late.
I am still way too Danish, when I assume that 12.30 actually means 12.30. It means 12.45. Or maybe 13 or never.
As a Dane I am obsessed with time. I am used to everything being timed and planned according to a schedule. And so, I get very confused when things do not happen at the agreed time. Maybe the world is collapsing?

2. I need to stop making little sandwiches out of the bread and cheese.
The Italian lunch is a festival of bread, cheeses, ham, salads and olives. The way to eat, is a little of this, a little of that and with bread on the side. But I sit there and put things in the shape that I am used to by making little sandwiches, with the salad on the side.

3. I need to start complaining about the country and advice everybody to leave immediately; meanwhile I feel deep inside that I myself could never leave.
The thing, that truly define the Italians is how they can all agree that this country is rotting up, the politicians are blood sucking fonies and everything is just one big mess. But then on the other hand, nobody could ever dream of leaving the country. At least not permanently.

4. I need to learn how to be calm, and believe, that the things that truly need to be done will be done.
When I work I find it particularly a challenge to remain calm. The phone rings without stop, people drop by, my neighbor plays piano, the dog barks every five minute for no reason, and outside people honk the horn for ten minutes at a time. It is impossible for me to focus and very, very hard to remain calm and not hysterical.

5. I need to strap on a pair and get behind the wheels and drive here. Regardless of my fear of death.

6. One of the things I have found the hardest to relate to, are the behavior of the women here. I come from a land of independent, equal minded, beer drinking, career seeking women, and I have moved to this country of women with red lip stick, high heels, diva attitude that makes me feel like a man trying to fit in as a woman. So I need to start wearing wear red lipstick and a dress and own it. 

7. And on that note, I also need to take it as a compliment not as an insult to my biceps, when men want to carry my stuff for me.

8. I need to speak up! At the language school I am exposed to the south european way of being in a class. I sit there waving my hand like an idiot while everyone else just speaks up. At the same time. It drives me crazy and I get so angry when people constantly interrupt. Why can’t we speak in turns? Because we are in Italy Sofie, so start blabbering out your every thought and contribute to the sound pollution.

9. I need to think as a group.
Italians do things together as a group. I tend to do things on my own. This often may seem like I don’t value others opinion, but really I am just used to fixing things without a second or third opinion. So I need to embrace the social aspects more, instead of losing my temper of waiting for everyone to agree.

10. Last of all I need to cut the act. I will never be Italian. The closest I can get is having a feeling of home in Italy, but nobody can fake their way to being as calm, loving, social and caring as the Italians I have met manage to be, every day. To me that is as real as it gets.

Let me be the loser

To me, success is not the same as reaching your goals. Success is the drive, the energy, that carries you to reach the goals that you have set for yourself. But once you get there, you will often have a new aim. And that is how life should be. A long line of unreachable goals to keep us going. For this reason my worst fear (second after spiders) is to reach all of my goals and be unable to set new ones.

It has always been an obstacle for me to be happy in the place that I am. I almost always want to be somewhere else. (No offense to anyone who has ever been my company) My point is that, most of my life I have had an aim in mind, but once I got there, I would have a new one.

Ever since I was a girl I thought I wanted to be a successful journalist. I wanted to travel the world and report back the news to my country. It was the mare on my back to achieve a number of great things but the closer I got to this particular goal, the more I developed different dreams. I was chasing my own shadow.

But for the first time, I feel now that I am closer than ever to catch the shadow.  And never have I wanted more to not reach that goal. Because once I reach it, I will lose the drive, that has given me great travel adventures, great feeling of achievements and great friendships. I feel the drive in that thrill I get when I know what I want, but I cannot reach it.

After yet another month in this fantastic country, that on the one hand is pure paradise and on the other hand is suffocating everyone that lives here, I find myself in search for a new goal.

I am now working, earning money. Somewhat speaking the language (it is still up for debate). I have made friends that make me feel at home. I am not saying that I have completely fulfilled my life here, but I have reached my goal of successfully leaving Denmark. I have set the spears for my life here.

But..

In today’s world we almost have no limits for self-realization. We are not bound to family, to culture or to anything else. We are purely our own, and the key to success lies only in our own hands. You might not have been born with the best cards on your hand, but how you play those cards in life, is purely your game. The good thing about this, is that we have the opportunity to search for, and find, our own happiness. The bad thing is, that we might not be able to see it, once we find it. If my happiness lies in being Italian. is yet to be discovered. 

In order to find out, there are still things I need to change, in order to become more Italian. What those are, I will reveal next week.

Things I still don’t understand about Italians

   Italians often ask me what Denmark is like, compared to Italy. The short answer is that Denmark is pretty much the exact opposite in every way. The weather is cold, not warm. We get drunk, you don’t. Our coffee is weak, yours can be cut with a knife. We stand in line, you attack from all angles.We have 24 hours a day, you guys seem to have 28.

   Anyway, recently I had a Danish friend visiting and I was reminded of all the things that makes no sense to a Dane at the first encounter with italian culture. This gives an idea of what the main differences are. Even for me, after almost three years of visiting Italy on and off, and for the last two month living here, there are things that I still just do not understand about italians:

Why do you worry so much about food? Italians can spend hours, days and weeks worrying about what food to eat or what restaurant to go to. Should we eat fish, or meat, or maybe pizza, or what about pasta? What do you think? I don’t know - All of the stuff is good! And it is not until two month from now – It is not possible to plan my hunger in such advantage.

Why are you so worried about how much people eat? I know that it is probably a thing of being polite, but the genuine look I get from people when I am just not that hungry, is true concern. Why are you not eating? You should eat some more. Guys – sometimes it’s okay to at least experience hunger.

Why are you not able to keep appointments? I know, I am being overly Danish here – but if you already know you will be 15 minutes or half an hour late late, just tell me. Why do you not feel bad about letting people wait?

What is up with the super hard bread? Why don’t you have fresh soft bread at the bakery’s? I feel that I am always eating yesterday’s bread.


Why do you take so long to say goodbye? Once we have agreed to split up, I just want to get on with my day and do other things. But every time we have to go through a long awkward goodbye-session. So where are you going now? Ah you are taking the bus? At the bus stop? It’s like you feel guilty for ending the meeting. Just say goodbye already!

What is with all the walking? Why do you think it is more comfortable walking up and down the street with no goal in mind? It is super unpractical to talk to people when you are walking at a line, and it always end up being the two people in the middle having a conversation. I am sick of hanging off the arm at the end of the line – let’s stop and make a circle so everyone can be included in the conversation, shall we?

Why do you hang all sorts of shit in your keys? The keyring is for keys. But you guys stuff it up with all sorts of things. Guys on the streets even make a living of selling blinking souvenirs for people’s keyrings. Why does it not bother you to carry around five kilo heavy keyrings?

I call him Claus

Why are there not more alcoholics in this country? In Denmark people drink the worst piss to get a buzz going and they still stay alcoholics. Yet, here you have the best wine in the world, and it is cheaper than water. Why do I not see anyone being drunk, ever?

How can you be so calm? I admit that I tend to be a bit impatient. Once I have set something in mind, I’d like to start doing it. Now! Right away! How is it possible to get anything done when it can all, according to you be done tomorrow?

Why are you so proud of dubbed TV? Most Italians prefer watching TV and films that are dubbed rather than the original language, because they find subtitles disturbing. That is fine when you are not used to it, but why are you so proud of the quality in which the Italian voice over is made? It still looks super weird when voice and pictures don’t match, people.

I would be interested to know what things the Italians just don't understand about the Danes..

Monkey see, Monkey do

   There is one question that I find myself answering again and again here. And no matter how well I try to explain, it still does not make sense to Italians: Why did I move to Italy?

   Italians understand why people would come here for holiday: in Italy there is a beautiful culture, obviously nice food and weather. Things everyone can agree on. But Italy also have a country in deep economical depth which make the general living standard very low. And for this reason, people assume that I must be an idiot for turning my back to a country of gold and diamonds to live in the slum of Italy. 
I would like to dedicate this article to try to explain, once and for all, why I am not an idiot. Okay, that may take too long. I would like to explain why I moved here, by comparing Danish to Italian culture.This way, at future “job interviews” with people who does not want to hire me, but just want to warn me about the situation her, I can refer to this blog and this answer:  

   Culture is created by people who copy the behaviors of other people. Monkey see, monkey do. For this reason my hands have come alive down here when I speak Italian. My opinion on food and wine has gone from non exciting, to very strong and I now see the value in second, third and fourth opinions for even the smallest every day task. Of course we need to be at least three people to discuss the thing that should be cooked or the things that should be fixed.


Friends and social life   
   In Italy people are never alone. And people never need to be alone. There is no need for individuality if you can do things as a group. They are together on everything and this makes the culture ultra social and very welcoming. You have a friend in Italy when you have met the person once. Or even if you just know the same people. And you see these people all the time for a cup of coffee, or even for just a few minutes. And then you will probably see them again later the same day. A friend made in Italy, is usually a friend for life and most Italians still keep in touch with their old classmates, teacher or even x-girl/boyfriends.

  In Denmark, friendships can be years in the making. And even when you have a close friend, the bond can be broken at any point if things between you go wrong. Danes are experts in bearing grudges and most families has one or several intrigues and members that don’t speak to each other. So the social culture of Denmark is very much based on the premise of still being able to keep your own personal space and guard your privacy. You don’t want anyone uninvited to invade your space, even family members. You do not kiss people on the face, you shake their hands. You do not need five people to hang up a picture, you do things by yourself and only ask for help if you absolutely need it. Friends are there for you when you agree that they should: At an agreed time, for an agreed purpose. Usually the purpose is alcohol.

   Denmark is a functional country, but this is on the behalf of our need to structure and keep in line. Try jumping the line of a Dane and you will understand. This is why we function as a country like a well greased engine, but this is also why the culture can become quite harsh and cold. And why foreigners who have lived in Denmark warn each other on how to blend in, without pissing off a Dane.

Family 
   Family is one of the highest rated values in Italy. An Italian family provides both financial and emotional support to its members, which includes not only parents and children, but also cousins, aunts and uncles. For this reason, many Danes will consider Italians as too dependent on others, while secretly envy them, because only few Danes can come to their family for help, economically or emotionally. We have banks and psychologists for that and we consider being independent as a proud personal characteristic.
   Italians even name their children after family members. This is why, to foreigners, like me, it can seem like there are only ten different Italian names for boys and girls, because a lot of people have the same names. But convenient when you have to learn new names.

   In Denmark the level of interaction with your family is a personal choice. Based on the fact, that Danes from an early age are pushed out of the nest to learn how to provide for themselves, families are often only seen at holidays. Maybe for this reason, holidays in Denmark are, despite our otherwise very liberal country, painfully traditional. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter Lunch or wedding is the same drill of food, songs and events. Even going to the church for the first and only time a year. Danes stick to the traditions and will be upset if even small things are changed. This is the events at where the word “hygge” is used the most, to convince each other that we are having a great time. However if Danes spend more time with their family than just at holidays, it is because they truly want to.

Greetings
   Danish culture is a culture where manners are valued almost as highly as privacy. We thank people several times a day: The bus driver, the cashier, the teacher, the guy holding the door and finally every time someone treats us with a coffee or a meal. Thank you, indeed! And we mean it, every time. In the same way, we don’t ask people how they are, unless we have five or ten minutes to spare, listening to the answer.
   The Italians are sort of like the Americans in this way. At every greeting they always ask "how are you?", without listening to the reply. I’ve found that people get uncomfortable if I give an honest reply, and has now adapted my behavior to just saying “Bene, Grazie” I’m fine, thanks.

   Greetings in Denmark is, no surprise to our need for personal space, limited to a “Hej” or a handshake. Only close friends and family members can advance to an occasional hug.   However in Italy, greetings are enthusiastic and for a shy Dane like me – extremely physical, bordering to be abuse. It took me a year to start kissing on the cheeks, and I still don’t feel comfortable with it. I even have a “technique” developed to squeeze my way out of the situation, as the cowardly and socially awkward person I am. If you want to greet a Dane, bring a cold beer, don’t kiss their face.

Appearance
   Both in Denmark and in Italy appearance matter. But it is taken more literally in Italy as the concept of “Bella figura” which means a good image. In Denmark you can walk in the streets in you pyjamas if you want to because the agreed right not to be bothered in the public space let you be completely anonymous. In Italy people have outdoor-approved clothes and clothes for wearing at home. 
   Respect and formalities are a great part of the Italian culture. You greet elderly people formally and give up your seat in the bus for them. I got the dirtiest look from an old lady in the bus, when I didn’t immediately give up my seat on the bus, and spoke to her non-formally. As a Dane we are far to adjusted to equal rights that I am more afraid to offend people by formally greeting them, than not to.

Religious influence
   If you are religious in Denmark you keep it to yourself. Belive in what ever you want, but don't bother people with it. Religious believes are generally considered a very private matter, and for most Danes it is an indicator that you are slightly diluted.
   Religion in Italy is a matter of culture and many italians define themselves as Catholics, even if they don’t live up to the commandments or even go to church. Each day of the year has a saint named after it and there is a generally respect towards the church and the pope. In school children are only taught Catholism and usually not alternative religions.

Table manners
   Italians cannot be blamed for this, because they have the most delicious food in the world, but from the perspective of a Dane: You have terrible table manners! Which is why it is the most liberating experience to be seated at an Italian dinner. Food are grabbed with the hands, bread is dipped in the grease from the pot, and leftovers can be eaten at each other plates. While eating, Italians enjoy having the TV running in the back ground while having loud conversations, rather than turning off the TV and have normal volume conversations. It is a festival of loud and hearty enjoyment right there in the kitchen.
    At a Danish dinner table, dining is a much more delicate matter. Food is usually served in a dining room, not the kitchen. And dinner is a place for conversation and catching up on each other’s events of the day. The food is eaten in “heats”, which means that you eat a little, then take a break before you eat a little more. When you are done eating you are always offered a little more, but it is polite to refuse after maximum two serving. After the meal you thank who ever cooked, and compliment the chef.
 

   This was not an article on who’s county is the best. It is an article to reflect over peoples different consensus on what defines “Good life values”. In Denmark they are materialistic goods and privacy and in Italy they are Grandmothers Lasagna and constant company. My choice of where I want to live my life, is based on which of these values I agree on most. Now stop bothing me with why I am here. 

Do you know how hard it is, to be funny in a second language?

   Three weeks into language classes and I am slowly (very slowly) gaining more and more fluency. But also more and more cockiness, so I have sent out my résumé in Italian and now I have a job interview with a guy who expects me to be what Google Translate made me.

   You quickly forget how difficult it is to learn a new language. I don't mean learning all the bullshit, and memorize a few sentences – but really to learn. Including the implications, the sayings, the humor and the expressions that just cannot be translated. Do you know how difficult it is to be funny in a second language when you only know half the words? All meaning is lost, and you end up having to explain the part that was supposed to be funny, not insulting: “No no, it was a joke..I was being funny!” and the other guy look at you with confusion and pitty “aaahhh” and try to fake a smile at this strange foreigner. It is very embarrassing for everybody. Mostly for me.

   Studying a new language takes you through a number of steps. Step one is looking confused a lot (smile and wave,boys). Step two is learning all the bad words but not knowing when to use them, so you just use them all the time. Vaffanculo to you all. Step three is making strange sounds, trying to shape the new words and sounds (I am looking at you rolling R’s!)
But the best step is step four, when you are finally being understood for the first time by someone who doesn't know you. Finally you are able to shape an entire sentence, without having to repeat it or give up and point. And you are being understood by this person who replies without even lifting and eyebrow. Meanwhile, you are overloading with joy in your head, thinking “I did it, I cracked the code!” and you forget to pay attention to the follow up question and you are back to being a foreign idiot. But that moment is worth all of the trouble. And the more you get of those moments the more you slowly feel that your disguise to blend into this new environment is working. They think you are one of them. And now you can even speak to them while looking like you’ve done it all of your life. 

  Then you run into step five of trying to make sense of the sayings. “In the mouth of the wolf.” They say. Or, “In the ass of the whale” To wish you good luck, but don’t ask me why they think those places should bring any luck...

  Before even moving here I set myself up to achieving some goals. Obviously one of them was to rule the country, but the first ones was to be fluent in 3 month, get a job and be independent in this place with one of the highest levels of unemployment worldwide. For some reason, that fact alone just made me more interested in achieving my goals. Even with a slow start of not speaking the language. Arrogant? Yes. But after two years of struggling and feeling like an imbecile at an edducation I didn't have the talent for, this is just the confidence boost that I needed. So rolling R’s and asses of whales, I am here to stay and I will make the best of you.

  
   Next stop: How to get through a job interview in Italy. 

  

To Venice on a budget

   There are some places in the world that simply must be experienced. One of those places is Venice. And I am not just saying that because I just went there. Okay maybe I am, but anyway. Venezia is a marvelous theatrical scene of narrow streets, beautiful architecture, cute little cafés and singing men on gondolas. And those lame tourists that are getting ripped off sitting in those gondolas. 

   But Venice is also a city that lives of tourism and the prices are often high because of that. A visit to Venice can therefore quickly become an expensive treat. But with a little local knowledge of the city (thank you to my friend Valentina) there is a lot of savings to be done. I’d like to share my ten best tips on how to experience the best of Venice, without it costing a fortune.

1 Travel outside the summer months. Venice is a city of narrow streets, so unless you dig standing in line for the entire day, visit the city outside of tourist season. In late February (after the carnival) and the entire month of March, the streets are a little less crowded and tickets are also cheaper with Ryan Air.

2 Take your coffee standing. There is a big difference to the price of a cup of coffee, depending on whether you choose to drink it standing at the bar, or at a table. A coffee at the bar costs 1 euro, while a coffee at a table can cost up to 4 euros. The same applies to food and other beverages – standing is always cheaper.

3 Enjoy the free culture. Museums sucks, and in a beautiful city like Venice you don’t want to spend your day at the Guggenheim (no you don’t). The city is packed with sights and cultural buildings that are completely free. For instance you can access the stunning St. Mark's Church. One of the worlds’ most astonishing churches (made of gold and diamonds and thousands of tiny little painted bricks) Inside the church there are also tour guides you can follow if you want to gain some facts, that you can show off with later.
If you insist to see the Guggenheim Museum, then book your ticket online before you leave home and save half the price.

4 Remember your student ID. On more than one tourist attraction, you will experience to get a significant discount if you can flash a student ID. I showed one that wasn’t even valid, and I still got half price.
Among other things, the half-price goes at the tower at the island “Giudeca” where there is a spectacular view over Venice. In the same church you can also see Jacopo Tinto Tourrettes original painting "The Last Supper” from 1592 if you want to be one of those people.

5 Lunch plus wine for 2 euros. There are several good and inexpensive small cafes in Venice, but especially one of them is truly an experience: The small family-owned cafe (or Birreria as they call it, if you can get beer and wine) named "Zanon" has a great selection of delicious sandwiches with both bright and dark bread (which speaks well to this Dane). Each of them costs 1 euro and if you want a glass of wine to go with it, it’s only 1 euro more. Enjoy the lunch veician-style, on the edge of the canal with the sun in your face.

6 Be a rebel - Ride the ferry for free. Gondolas in Venice are expensive (and stupid) and rarely pretty fast transportation. Instead, you can take one of the ferries. They are fairly cheap, but there will rarely be a ticket-control. So do as the locals and hop on a ferry without a ticket and feel the rush of a rebellion.

7 Juice-shots on the go. If you need a quick vitamin shot during the day, slow down when you are passing one of the many juice stands that are everywhere in the city. They will offer a small juice - or smoothie shot to the people who passes-by. They also sell more interesting kinds of shots after dark, F.Y.I..

8 Purchase a drink and enjoy free snacks. If you want to taste some of the local delicacies without paying for it, all you have to do, is order a drink. Usually they include something to eat. For instance you can try the “Venetian spritz" which is a sweet, bubbly drink served with an olive and some bread or chips.

9 Avoid the restaurants that wave you in. This is might be obvious to many, but a general rule, if you want to save money, is not to be tempted by the restaurants where the waiter standing on the street and try to wave people in. Here, the price is high and the quality is low. Instead, go down the side streets and get a little bit lost. Here you will quickly be able to find much cheaper restaurants where the locals eat themselves.

10 Take the train for half price. If you are in Venice for a longer period of time and you want to explore areas outside of the city, there is a lot of money to be saved on transportation. If you need to take the train, first order a "Carta Freccia". The card is free and gives you half price on all travels Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 11 to 14. If you want the bus, buy a daily card rather than single fares.

Only thing left is to enjoy the beautiful pastel colored streets of Venice, the flowers on the terraces and the life and the people on the grand canal. Or be really jealous that I just did all of that!

Status after two weeks of integration

1. I have learned the sign for “spaghetti” which means that I am now officially an included member of the club.

2. I still don’t feel completely confident speaking the language. But I do attend a course three times a week where I go and get confused over the grammar (DAMN you plurals!) and frustrated over the teacher who doesn’t speak a word of English. However I encourage myself to learn and remember to be proud when I manage to reply yes and no and thank you in the correct context at the few Italian interactions I have. Yes I WILL take a bag for my grocery and thank YOU for giving me my change back. Meanwhile I prepare myself in school for the day anyone asks for directions, for my name or for what color things are. I will be at the ready.

3. I have eaten a lot of stuff. A lot. And discovered, that my motivation for learning new words, is definitely encouraged by the ability of being able to name the stuff that I want to eat again. I want (to make love to) carciofi-ripieni.

carciofi-ripieni - stuffed artichoke aka to die for

4. Let’s dance quickly pass the fact that I still have not got a job here. My plan of ruling this country within a month is slowly crumbling every time I am rejected on a job-position because I am not Italian. And apparently I still can’t fake to be one, regardless of how much pasta I am eating. Luckily though, the Danish newspapers are more than happy to pay for my silly articles written about the “Inside of Italy”. So I am totally ratting everyone out for money.

5. I am yet to make new friends here. This can be a result of two reasons: My eager attempt of speaking to people has let me to insult people because I confuse “where are you from” with “yo’ mamma so fat’” by accident. OR I have an odor I am not aware of. Perhaps because I stick my face in the food every chance I get.

6. I have made my first gesture of frustration (which indicates that someone is stupid, and it is not me) in traffic, and for a moment I felt like a full blooded Italian. It is beside the point that the guy looked like he didn’t understand me.

7.  I have bought and read my very first Italian book. Spoiler alert – Mufasa is also killed by Scar in “Il Re Leone” and I still cried a little.

8. I have got an Italian phone number and said goodbye to my old, my first and my only phone number ever. Nobody has called me yet.

9. I have been more Danish than ever, sitting at the city hall with a number in my hand, faithfully waiting my turn for more than an hour. Then they finally skipped my number.

10. I have survived walking across the street at least twenty times without being killed. And have become slightly religious. Thank you Odin. 

Ps. I have also been informed that the best of two worlds have met in one awesome dessert that I have yet to try: Beer-amisu here I come. 

Easter for the Win!

   In my country we usually celebrate religious holidays like Easter or Christmas by brewing an extra strong beer. So to me the traditional hoopla I see i other countries over a saint or a religious event, is always fascinating. One in particular is my favorite. In a small, very small city in the middle of the mountains there is a very special annual tradition.

   The City is named Sulmona,. It's buildings are old and the streets are narrow, and walking though the city is like going back in time, 220 years. It is by far the most beautiful city I have ever visited. On the main square of the city, a market is set up where locals sell fruit and vegetables, or small decorative objects. If you look up, a magnificent panorama of snow cowered mountains is surrounding the city. I remember thinking, that anyone who has had a childhood here must be filled with this internal happiness. Because walking around in the city is sort of like getting a big hug.

   The times I have visited the city has often been around Easter. The Easter in Sulmona is very special. The city prepares for days and weeks and month for the 20th of April where a big theatrical show is performed by locals. They carry big statues of Maria and Jesus in a play where Maria is in deep grief and dressed in a black dress because of her dead son. But Jesus returns from the dead, and when Maria sees him, she runs from the end of the square, while loosing her black dress and underneath is a beautiful colorful dress. Each year a different one. White doves are released as Maria reaches her son and beautiful music begins. I am not a religious person, but this performance still chokes me up. It is beautiful because of the effort that is put in to this show. The people carrying Maria and Jesus, practice for years to walk in a certain way so the statue don't fall. It is a great honor to be one of the carriers. And the tradition in it self, I can see, is bringing back childhood memories for the elderly people watching it, as it has existed for so many years. The fathers of carriers can proudly watch their sons as the next generation of carriers.

   But one thing is the great show, another is the main part of any Italian tradition - the food. Of course the Italian Easter is packed with great food that you look forward to for months. The grandmother of the family have prepared her legendary lasagna. There is fresh fish, fresh cheese, olives, and meat. Everything combined with the seasonal wines of course. Are you drooling yet? You should.

The scary yo-ho

   This article was supposed to be about me starting work in Italy. But, first I would like to take  a bit of a detour entering unknown and dangerous waters. It will undoubtedly concern some people, and offend others. I am also risking the good reputation of this blog, if there ever was one. How ever this is a matter that has been puzzling me for a while.
   In a country that obey religion, a great part of the culture will be shaped in the name of God and those who preach his definition of the rigeous path. First off there is the common commandments of being good to thi neighbour, don't drink and drive, remember to call your mom, and those things. But there is also a number of cultural believes that I have learned about and that I still wonder about. Obviously it is the abstinence from sexuality. No toughing, no nothing, no matter how good it feels, unless you are doing it only to procreate (Honey, lets re-populate the Earth). Thus the rule says, that you can not be with women until it is time to procreate. But there is a loophole. Litterally. Because if you dig into the subtexts of this rule, it even specifies which entrances that are holy and which are not. If the entrance does not lead to a baby coming out in return, before marriage, you are safe to go. Get it? At least this is how many people practise intimacy, when they still want to be rigeous, but not so much that is kills all the fun. Now, I get why the guys don't walk the streets with signs of protest over this. But why, oh why would the young generation of women - with access to all the information and science in the world, agree on these terms?

   There seems to me a massive misinterpretation between the actual preaching, in the name of God to live a life full of love to others, and when these high reaching ideals is being outlived by humans, full of flaws and all. 75 % of Italians say, to belive that there is a God. And that this God is defined as in the Chistian Catholic Church. I am not saying that they are all stupid, but they are all stupid. Believes are based on old myths and stories created and modelled over time for some people to gain while others, and most, lose. Look at those magnificent churges carved in gold and diamonds and tell me again how the church prioritize the poor.

   The most extreme of religious myths I have seen recently is the Vagina Dentata (They also made a movie about this - totally top five must sees) A myth that tells the story about some women who are born with vaginas full of teeths strong enough to bit the hand of a full grown man. The point was to scare men into having sex with non-religious women and prevent rapings. But it must have been a lady with one strong squeezing muscle to have started that myth, back in the days. A woman who took the daily, tighten up your yo-ho, a bit too seriously. And the punisment - men get affraid of your muscular vagina and you get burned for being a witch.
   In what ever way this myth started, it led to a various of brutal killings, as most religions does. Mostly pointed toward the women of course, as there had yet to be reportings of a deadly penis.

   So the day to day practising of the catholic christianity is mirrored by this, amongst other myths. Just saying (while point fingers of you 75 %) I don't mind at all the practising of religion that involved food, but if you have ever practised sodomism (or eaten bad chicken in Africa) you will know that this is not a sacred place.


What is your opinion on this matter? Leave me a comment!

What the Italians really say with their hands

   Moving to Italy from Denmark means a lot of getting used to. 

I need to get used to the fact, that time is a fluffy thing here. It is more or less an individual opinion what time it is. For instance is the time schedule for the bus indicative, not a guideline. It means that it doesn't actually show when the bus arrives, but it shows that eventually maybe a bus will arrive at that bus stop.
   I also need to get used to the social interactions, which are a lot more casual. A meeting with friends doesn't have to be an all-day thing, but it can be a ten minutes meeting just for a coffee. But mainly, I need to get used to the language. And then, the second language here: The gestures.

   I have come so far than to understand that an Italian gesture can do one of the following: It can emphasize what is being said. Or it can stress what is the most important point in the conversation. Or it can be a sentence all in its own. Watch out for a hand being thrown out in stretched arm. This gesture doesn't come with a lot of words (not nice ones anyway) and I am pretty sure it’s function is to cast an evil spell on who ever is in the receiving end. But most other gestures is merely reinforcing what is already being said. That's why, for some time, I tried to focus more on decoding what the hands were saying, more than what the words meant, hoping that it would give me a winning chance of being part of an Italian conversation. 

  But I have had quite a bit of confusion regarding the gestures. First time I was gestured a pointed finger to the eye, I thought I had something in the eye and quickly went to the bathroom to check my makeup. But it actually means “pay attention”. The same with the rotating finger on the chin. It doesn't mean that you've spilled sauce in the corner of your mouth, it means “Did it taste good?” or “Delicious”. Spared me a trip to the mirror getting to know that one.

   The day I truly realized how functional the Italian gestures are, was a day at the beach. I am out deep in the water swimming with my boyfriend when a friend is gesturing something from land. I wanted to swim back to land to find out what they were saying, but my boyfriend turned to me and said “They are just going go get some lunch, they’ll be back in fifteen minutes”. That was the translation of the gesturing from land. Coolest thing ever, right!? I mean, why do they even need the language, when they can have a conversation with their hands? 

    The amount of different gesturing makes me realize, however, that I may one day be able to speak the language. But my stupid steady hands will always reveal that I am a foreigner. Because not only are the Italian gestures a language in it self. But depending on where you are in Italy, there is a great variation of how much or how little the gestures are used. I know from dependable sources that they are kind of stiff in Bologna for example. And in the south, the gestures are way more flamboyant, which I think you need some sort of acting class to imitate. Where I am, in the center belt of Italy there is a lot of confusing gestures that I don't know how, or when to use. I still don’t know what the triangle during a conversation means, but I've noticed that it is used during complaining situations. It’s a triangle of complaints! And I wonder what I might have said with my hands in moments of frustration.   

   Being a nation with exaggerated explicit communication, I wonder how often misunderstandings has occurred in Italy. I mean, Italians wave their arms left and right, up and down and around the face. Even to the person they speak with on the phone! To me, it seems like half the communication is through the gestures, so how much of the conversation is lost through the phone? “I gestured that you talk to much and yet you just keep talking and talking!”

  But for now, my hands and I are gesturing thank you for following my blog. Next I’ll explore what it is like to work in Italy.

If you want to learn more about the wonders of Italian gestures, check this out.